One of the Herald’s chaplains answers your questions.
My boyfriend and I have been together for years now. Ryan is three. We want him to be Catholic like us and to go to the same school I went to. We saw the priest last Sunday and told him we want the baptism next month. We couldn’t believe the priest said he would like to see us at Mass for a few months first, and there were some classes we needed to go to. Who does he think he is? Our Lady’s is my church. Grandma went there every Sunday. I was baptised and made my First Communion there. How can I get Ryan baptised?
Well done for wanting to have Ryan baptised. Baptism is the most important thing a parent can do for their child. It recognises who we are as human beings, that we are more than just flesh and blood, that we have a spiritual dimension which is not just for this world but for eternity. That spiritual dimension is nourished by grace, a sharing in God’s own life. We receive grace principally through the sacraments – the actions of Jesus Christ in His Church. Baptism is the first of the sacraments. In baptism we become children of God, share the life of Christ, receive the Holy Spirit, are forgiven sin (both original sin and any personal sins), and become members of the Church.
Although God can work outside of His sacraments, baptism is the ordinary way of coming to heaven. Given the crucial importance of the sacrament, the Church urges parents to have their children baptised within the first few weeks of their life. As Scripture tells us, however, Jesus welcomes children at any time.
Your irritation with the priest is understandable. Perhaps, however, we can try to see things from his perspective. Priests are saddened by parents who come to church to have their children baptised when those children never see the inside of church again for many years subsequently. Jesus and the Church want him to ensure that Ryan’s baptism will be of lasting benefit to him.
Why do we want our children baptised? You would like Ryan to go to the same Catholic school you attended. That too is a good thing to want. You also say that your grandmother attended that church. I am sure that she would want to see Ryan baptised.
Baptism is not about joining a club or simply about our cultural identity. At the baptism service the parents make a promise to train their child “in the practice of the faith”. The priest wants to help you make that promise with authenticity. Indeed, he has a duty to establish that there is a “well-founded hope” that Ryan will be raised in the Catholic faith.
Baptism brings us into relationship with God and with our fellow believers in the Church. This means many things. It affects how you will raise Ryan in the home – bringing him up to know that he is loved by God, that he can talk to God in prayer, that he will learn about Our Lord, Our Lady and the saints, how he is meant to behave as a disciple of Jesus. It is about the love we show God and one another.
To be in relationship means regular contact with someone. For a Catholic it means being at Sunday Mass, meeting God in sacrament and scripture, joining our fellow Catholics in pray-er. The priest is encouraging you to deepen your relationship with God through your attendance at Mass. If you have been away for a while, he will be delighted to welcome you back. Being at Mass will allow Ryan to grow up knowing what it means to be a Catholic. Wherever he travels in life there will be a Catholic church close by where he belongs and where he is familiar with what happens there. In asking to have Ryan baptised, you are introducing him to this life-giving relationship with God and the Church.
The priest has asked you to attend some classes. This is entirely normal, particularly prior to the baptism of a first child. There is no question of exams or having to memorise anything. As with any important step, it is good to be prepared. The classes aim to give a fuller understanding of what baptism is and how it is lived out practically in our family life. It is also the opportunity to meet other families preparing for baptism.
You say that you and your boyfriend are Catholics who have been together for many years. Having Ryan is a sign of the commitment you share. As you are aware, family life is not always easy. God gives us the grace of another sacrament to help us live out our relationships to one another. Consider, therefore, speaking to the priest about the possibility of marriage.
However, the priority at this point is to have Ryan baptised. Explain to the priest that you now understand better the reasons for his approach and want to commit to living your Catholic faith on this basis.
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