Freeman was speaking out against the social contagion of transgenderism and the rush to “affirm” children, especially girls, in their “new gender”. Hadley agreed with Michele Obama who said recently: “Once you decide you want your child to be your friend, now you’re worried about them liking you. And there’s so much of being a parent that has nothing to do with them liking you.” I have spoken out against the evil of transgenderism elsewhere, but I do think it is ironic that two otherwise liberal women are adopted what previously would be considered conservative ideas on parenting.
Giving advice on parenting can be a minefield, but Catholic parents should always be aware that raising their children is the most important duty they have. This involves showering them with love, but other times as Freeman and Obama say, tough love is what is needed.
Tough love does not in my opinion mean smacking children, which I am against. For me I think it is difficult to maintain the rule that children should not hurt anyone physically if yourself think it is fine to hit children who are much smaller and younger than you. But parents must hold firm on all sorts of issues – to what their children watch on TV (not Netflix) and especially when it comes to mobile phones and social media. It is certainly the case that policing the phone usage of my two eldest children takes up most of my emotional energy.
I have read a fair few parenting books in my time and one piece of advice that sticks in my mind is that often children want to hear the word “No”. They may not say that, but deep-down children crave boundaries, and it can be very frightening if those boundaries are constantly shifting or they are given what they want all the time. For older children, I am sometimes open to calm discussion, but my decision once made is final.
Children may react in extreme ways to hearing “No” – from screaming, shouting or maybe even hitting, but that will pass and as the book also pointed out, they are entitled to their emotions. Many parents try too hard to control their children’s emotions by either giving in to every demand, or indeed shouting at them to stop shouting.
It should also be said however, that firm parenting requires a firm foundation and loving relationship. This makes it easier for the children to accept the boundaries imposed. I feel this is often missed these days. This is why it is so important to spend time with your children that does not constantly involve telling them off or ordering them around. It is important to read with your child including older children. It is necessary to show basic kindness to children and believe me this can be in short supply when parents are rushing around to get to their very important meetings etc. Even watching a movie together – really watching it together with your child and not with your phone can build bonds.
Over Christmas I made a point of trying to watch some movies or programmes with my children without any distractions. As I have already seen TheGrinch and Elf many times before, I thought ahead and ordered The Lord of the Rings trilogy and Bleak House online. It was in fact just my son who I ended up watching these with, but I think it is safe to say that it was the highlight of my Christmas.
I wanted to explain the Christian message of The Lord of the Rings to my son. It is also handy to now say, I don’t care if you don’t want to do your homework, or you don’t want to feed the dog, Frodo didn’t want to bring the ring to Mount Doom, but he felt he had to. It was his duty to do so. He made the sacrifice. Now, go and feed the dog.
I had already brought all three children to see a very moving play of A Christmas Carol so I thought Bleak House would be a good choice. I was not disappointed. It was a very enjoyable and challenging watch. My son and I still talk about it together. If the children do watch something I can consider hard, such as Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility which my eight-year-old watched, I make a point of thanking them.
The burdens on Catholic parents are many. They must pass on the faith, “protect their children against the wickedness and snares of the devil”, and as Pope Francis said at the baptism of 13 children at the Sistine Chapel recently, and teach their children to pray. Pope Francis said: “As a child, they should learn to pray, at least to do so with their hands, with their gestures … May they learn to pray as children because prayer will be what will give them strength throughout their lives — in good times, to thank God, and in bad times, to find strength.”
It is inevitable that some teenagers will declare that they “hate” their parents now and again, but if you have given them a foundation in love and prayer, they know deep down, that the firm “No”, they just heard is for their own good.
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