Last year, my husband and I decided it would be best to stay in London and celebrate Christmas at home. It was our daughter Lily’s first Christmas and I knew my family, who live in Hampshire, would be sad to miss it. But it didn’t seem worth the risk. We were worried about passing on COVID-19 but we were also nervous about our family being dobbed in to the authorities for breaking the rules.
I had been excited at the prospect of taking Lily to a children’s Christmas service. My own memories of Christingle services at our local church were happy ones. Part of the appeal was the orange we were each given. It was decorated with a candle, cloves and dolly mixture pinned on with toothpicks. At the front of the church was a manger and there was a treasure hunt around the church to find the figures to fill it. I remember the thrill of finding a shepherd under my pew.
Even though Lily would have been too little for much of the children’s service, I was quite looking forward to going myself. As I grew older, the Christingle service eventually gave way to carols outside the pub followed by Midnight Mass. Very jolly, of course, but I did miss the comforting warmth of the Christingle service.
Taking a child to a church service isn’t necessarily the most relaxing experience for parents. Lily hasn’t yet been to a church wedding – although she is due to be a bridesmaid the week before Christmas, so will soon get her chance. But she has been to a memorial service and a christening – the former was for two of her great-grandparents, who died shortly after she was born in March last year; the christening was her own. Both services took place at St Peter’s Church in Lodsworth, near Petworth. The previous year, within the space of a month, 10 of us had gathered (including Lily) in the church graveyard, two metres apart from each other, for my grandparents’ funerals.
By the time we were allowed to hold Lily’s christening in June this year, she was a toddler. Our family christening dress was far too small for her so instead I chose a white dress with a Peter Pan collar. Our family and friends gathered and although I was excited to see everyone, I was also worried we might be due a meltdown from Lily. It never came. The only moment our daughter seemed a little confused was when the water was poured on her head as she was held over the 12th-century font – it must have seemed like an unusual place to have her hair washed. At her great-grandparents’ memorial service in September, she sat on my lap for most of it.
I’m putting this down to beginner’s luck and perhaps the novelty of being in a church. The Revd Derek Welsman, who is the vicar at St Peter’s, is also wonderful with children which certainly helped. But there will no doubt be dramas to come. Faced with a young child who doesn’t want to behave in church, all parents can do is whisk them away – either to play outside or to join any play group being held. My particular bugbear at weddings is when parents refuse to do so even if their children start to cry or play up. It’s lovely having children at a wedding but less so when they start disrupting the service, which always seems to happen at the very point the couple are saying their vows.
My husband and I were married at St Bride’s in Fleet Street in November 2019. I was six-months pregnant on our wedding day, so I suppose Lily has technically been to a church wedding. My maid of honour Clementine, who is also very good with children, had a secret supply of raisins in her bag to help bribe the bridesmaids and page boy with should they misbehave. But aside from a little play going on in the side aisles, they were also very well-behaved. The raisins weren’t needed.
Theo Hobson wrote recently in the Spectator about paying his daughter to go to church. “Religion might be something she ignores for a decade or two, then finds she is glad to have access to. It does not hurt to have such options in our lonely culture,” he wrote. I was struck by this. I am what, at best, might be called a wishy-washy Anglican. I am certainly guilty of taking the church for granted.
But the past two years have brought with them birth, death and marriage. It has reminded me of why I am glad to have access to the church for the comfort that it brings. I’m looking forward to taking Lily to a children’s Christmas service. If a few dolly mixture are needed as a bribe, I hope she’ll eventually understand why.
Lara Prendergast is assistant editor of the Spectator.
This article is from the December 2021 issue of the Catholic Herald. Subscribe today.
Areas of Catholic Herald business are still recovering post-pandemic.
However, we are reaching out to the Catholic community and readership, that has been so loyal to the Catholic Herald. Please join us on our 135 year mission by supporting us.
We are raising £250,000 to safeguard the Herald as a world-leading voice in Catholic journalism and teaching.
We have been a bold and influential voice in the church since 1888, standing up for traditional Catholic culture and values. Please consider donating.