St Paul “preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus” according to St Barnabas in today’s first reading (Acts 9:27).
But how could St Paul have changed instantly from feeling shame for persecuting the Church to boldness in his preaching? Was there no lingering guilt to dampen his spirit?
In the second reading (based on my own translation rather than the Lectionary’s), St John explains how we become bold: “Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have boldness before God” (1 John 3:21).
St Paul’s heart did condemn him; he felt horror at what he had done, but he worked through this feeling, for as St John teaches:
“Little children, let us not love in word or speech but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth, and we shall persuade our hearts before him – if our hearts condemn us – that God is greater than our hearts and knows everything” (1 John 3:19-20).
By deeds of love and truth, we can “persuade” our hearts that we are truly forgiven by God and so can have boldness before him.
Often the feelings of our heart condemn us irrationally but God wants us to begin again trustfully. It is by concrete deeds of love and by acting according to the truth, even in little ways, that we bring our hearts back to reality.
Sometimes this means going head-on against our misguided emotions, and we can think that our faith, hope and love are fake. But if we persevere, despite lacking any consolation, our hearts are “persuaded” of his mercy and we can preach boldly, no matter what we have done.
If we overcome this false feeling of self-condemnation, then “whatever we ask him, we shall receive” (1 John 3:22).
This same promise is given in the Gospel, but with a different premise: “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask what you will and you shall get it” (John 15:7).
In other words, to reach the point of boldness that we receive what we ask, let’s remain in Jesus with his words in us and persuade our hearts of his mercy by deeds of truth and love. Photo: Saint Paul; stained glass window created by F. Zettler (1878-1911) at the German Church (St. Gertrude’s church) in Gamla Stan, Stockholm. (Photo iStock by Getty Images.)
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