We have lost another fine matriarch with the death of Queen Elizabeth II. I have written elsewhere about the Queen’s public life, in particular her faith and her devotion to service. Here I will discuss, as far as one can, her private life, or what we know of it.
The ten days of mourning culminating in the grandest of State funerals since the death of Winston Churchill was mesmerising and spectacular. The uniforms, the pageantry and the pomp were a wonder to behold. It reminded us all once again that ceremony is what the British do best.
What really caught my attention however was the late Queen’s family; her four children, eight grandchildren and twelve great-grandchildren, including Princes George and Princess Charlotte who attended their great-grandmother’s funeral.
If it is true that “by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:16-20), then with the exception of Prince Andrew, the Queen has left a fine legacy. We know her not only as The Queen but as a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. Most of all, she was The Matriarch.
I adore matriarchs, but these days they are literally a dying breed. The matriarchs of old ran the family and often held important social and community roles. They generated what social scientists call social capital. They knew people and they knew people who knew people who knew people, including your second cousin once removed, who might be able to help someone. Above all they were wise.
My favourite matriarch of fiction is the Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey. Dame Maggie Smith performed so wonderfully as the Dowager Countess, I cannot imagine anyone else in this role. Downton Abbey was written by the Catholic script writer and novelist Lord (Julian) Fellowes; and I do not think it a coincidence that this character was written by a Catholic. I like to believe Lord Fellows knew and perhaps grew up with strong and powerful matriarchs, as was the norm in Catholic families just a few decades ago.
The Dowager Countess has many brilliant one liners but it is her care and advice that she dispenses to her three granddaughters that I find most moving. The liberal view of parenting is that you should be “hands off” and let the kids “do their own thing”. Grandparents, if there are any around, should simply be ignored, as they are so old they could not possibly have anything relevant to say. Nothing could be further from the truth. One of my favourite lines by the Dowager is how it is her job as a grandmother to interfere with her granddaughters’ lives. When she does interfere, it is always in their best interests.
It is a sad fact of our modern age that grandparents tend to be much older, because two successive generations of women have had their children later. To make matters worse, the generations tend to live much further away from each other as older children often move for career reasons when they are young. It is only once they have their own children that they realise being far away from grandparents is a huge loss to their family.
This is why I envied the Queen, not for her privileged position but for the privilege she had of seeing her grandchildren and even great grandchildren grow.
I have no doubt the Queen dispensed her wisdom and her vast experience to those grandchildren frequently. Indeed, her instinct to stay in Balmoral with Princes William and Harry when Princess Diana died was entirely correct. It was only after the media had whipped up an almighty storm at her not returning to weep in public that she felt compelled to come to London. I suspect many in the crowd look back with embarrassment at how they behaved all those years ago.
One of the reasons the Queen had such a healthy number of grandchildren and great grandchildren, is that she was a young mother and so was Diana. Most women these days do not have their children young. So, in future generations, not only will children have fewer siblings, and cousins, many will have much older grandparents or indeed none at all. I think it is particularly sad to think about the increasing number of only children who as well as lacking a sibling will be without cousins and indeed grandparents. We all become poorer for it.
This is yet another unintended consequence of the feminist revolution that attacked the home and family life calling it a prison and a life drudgery. Family and home were belittled while work and the public sphere were exalted. This has caused huge disruption to the social fabric.
The home should be a place of warmth, kindness and patience as well as where grandmothers dispense some hard truths when necessary. Pope Francis once said, “How important grandparents are for family life, for passing on the human and religious heritage which is so essential for each and every society! How important it is to have intergenerational exchanges and dialogues, especially within the context of the family.” We must always value and celebrate grandparents. They are the jewel in the family crown.
Areas of Catholic Herald business are still recovering post-pandemic.
However, we are reaching out to the Catholic community and readership, that has been so loyal to the Catholic Herald. Please join us on our 135 year mission by supporting us.
We are raising £250,000 to safeguard the Herald as a world-leading voice in Catholic journalism and teaching.
We have been a bold and influential voice in the church since 1888, standing up for traditional Catholic culture and values. Please consider donating.