Scandalously irreverent and theologically imprecise briefs on heroines of the faith, written by a recovering Protestant agnostic seeker with practically no training and exactly zero filter.
So this week I decided to dig into the story of St. Afra. Born in 305 under the Roman Empire, she was a late convert to Christianity. Originally, her family was pagan and she was dedicated to the Goddess, Venus. So, I guess that was, like, her pagan patron saint or something. Only prob? Since Venus is the goddess of “love,” that meant Afra was sent off to work in a brothel.
Big yikes.
Accounts say she either ran a brothel in Augsburg or was a “sacred prostitute” in the Temple of Venus. And obvi this got me thinking, if I was a first millennium pagan, which god or goddess would I want to be dedicated to?
After a quick Google search. I’ve narrowed it down to three options:
Mercury: “The god of travel and tradesmen.” This might just be the quarantine speaking, but even with my massive fear of flying, I miss going places. That said, if Venus being the goddess of “love” equals prostitution, then who’s to say Mercury being the god of “travel and tradesman” wouldn’t equal me becoming a traveling vacuum salesman? So, I might need to read the fine print on this one first.
Next, we have Juno: Jupiter’s wife, and “the goddess of women and fertility.” I have four kids and run a prolife feminist group, so this seems like a natural fit. Downside? It could quickly become a Handmaid’s Tale type sitch, at which point I’d be outie 5000.
[I]f Venus being the goddess of “love” equals prostitution, then who’s to say Mercury being the god of “travel and tradesman” wouldn’t equal me becoming a traveling vacuum salesman?
And finally, there’s Vesta: “The goddess of hearth and home.” Because of Covid, I feel like I’ve basically taken a MasterClass in being home. Haven’t we all? I’m also currently writing this from bed, pantsless… so this one seems like the most natural fit.
All that to say, Afra got a raw deal.
Thing is, a bishop named Narcissus came along (to hide out from persecution by staying with Afra and her family) and — obviously, based on his name alone — he had the best faith of all. So he converted her whole tribe to Christianity. Which, I’ve got to say, when you’re on the lam for your faith, it’s gotta be a pretty hard to sell, yet he did. And then the pagans killed them for it. All of ’em. Because, of course they did.
Ah, to be a 4th century Christian. Some traditions never change, I guess.
And here’s the irony: As if she hadn’t given enough to the gods through her sacred yoni, Diocletian straight up killed her — as “a sacrifice to the the gods” — and then a lot of early Catholics depicted her as a virgin because of course they did.
Moral of the story: Pagans gonna pagan, and early Catholics gonna early catholic. But — I have to say this as a card-carrying feminist considering a fake dedication to the goddess of women: Her virginity or lack thereof does not make her death any more or less unjust. (We … ah … agree wholeheartedly and without reservation? – Ed.)
Ok, feminist points earned for the day. (“Well done, good and faithful servant.” SWIDT? – Ed.)
Which god/dess would y’all have wanted to be dedicated to if you were all pagans back then? Drop a comment below because I’m sure they’ll be hilarious.
No commboxes here (so try on the socials), but Thoth was the Egyptian deity of writing — also of wisdom, arts and sciences, and magic — oh, and he was responsible, along with his consort, Ma’at — roughly, the ordering and balancing principle of the Egyptian cosmology — and along with the Sun god, Ra, for keeping the cosmic wheels turning. In later mythology, Thoth was the arbiter of disputes among the major deities. So, sounds like a good fit. I’ll stick with our side, though: between writing and editing, I got St. John the Evangelist, St. Paul the Apostle, St. Francis de Sales, St. John Bosco, St. Maximilian Kolbe, & of course St. Lucy, just to name a few.The bench is already deep, but Bl. Titus Brandsma O.Carm. is waiting to be called up, and management really should be listening to what the scouts have to say about Daniel Rudd.– Ed.
Destiny Herndon De La Rosa is the founder of the secular pro-life New Wave Feminists organization. She is a frequent op/ed contributor to the Dallas Morning News and a sought-after speaker.
Cover image:Tomb of St. Afra in Augsburg. Photo by Mogadir – own work,CC BY-SA 3.0
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